Murder.
As a busboy, “Are you finished?” is kind of my go-to phrase whenever I’m trying to clear somebody’s plate off their table. I’ve always kind of fantasized about somebody from Finland, who has a shaky grasp on English, coming in one day.
“Are you finished?” I’d ask.
“Yes, I’m Finnish,” he’d…
Captain America: The First Avenger
Things wrong with this movie:
1. Too much clothing.
NOT ENOUGH CHRIS EVANS WITH HIS SHIRT OFF!!!!!! AM I RIGHT LADIES?!?!?!
2. We’ll go through the front door!
So the final plan to get to the last Hydra fortress is for Captain America to “go through the front door”. So the guy gets on his bike, puts a shield in front, and then drives by himself. That’s the plan? That’s like, the stupidest thing ever. Why is Steve Rogers so stupid? Look at the picture! There’s like fifty explosions going off around him!
So his idiotic plan sort of works, and for whatever reason Hydra waits until the last minute to do the old “let’s box him in with flame throwers” bit, and then what? They don’t kill him? YOU CAPTURE CAPTAIN AMERICA? THE MAN THAT HAS SINGLE HANDEDLY DESTROYED ALL OF YOUR BASES? WHY? FOR GOD’S SAKE JUST BURN HIM.
So they take him into the main room in the fortress, where Red Skull starts to give him crap. And then, all of a sudden, all of Captain America’s friends storm in through the windows on a zip-line.
WHAT?! WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST DO THAT IN TH BEGINNING?! WHY DID CAPTAIN AMERICA RISK HIS LIFE FOR, LIKE, THE WORST DISTRACTION IN THE HISTORY OF WARFARE. Why are there so many windows in this base?!
3. The ending.
Okay, so we’re in a super-fortress plane headed to destroy New York, and of course he decides to land the plane in the water because we’ve already established that he might be slightly retarded. Nevermind that he doesn’t check for a parachute. Or the fact that he doesn’t even remotely try to land the plane as gently as possible. Or the fact that there’s tons of miniature-bomb-type planes in the hanger that he could fly (and he did fly one of them). Nope, all he could do was steer it straight into the ground as violently as possible.
MCM #3
Ladies, it’s back! So after yet another long absence, let’s take another look at guys that make me feel kind of strange inside…my pants.
Ian Somerhalder
Other than having a ridiculous pair of eyes, eyebrows, and last name, Ian plays bad-boy heartthrob Damon on CW’s Vampire Diaries, a show about a love triangle between a girl and these two vampire…brothers…*sigh*…that is religiously recorded on my DVR every week, much to my dismay. The fact that the episodes will bring Melissa to tears every. single. time. made me at least a little interested to check it out, since I’m always trying to learn better ways to bring my girlfriend to tears. And then I see this:
Mmm, ladies.
Other than being naturally attracted to bad boys (and well manicured eyebrows), I have to say that Ian’s character makes the show bearable to watch, as opposed to that loser brother of his (whom, of course, is the object of Elena’s affection). While he may be brash, arrogant, and kind of douchey at times, Damon is the most logical character on the show and therefore the least annoying. Also, it should be noted that as bad as he is, there seems to be a glimmer of hope for him whenever Elena’s around, since he wants to be all good and stuff to impress her, I think (I drift in and out of sleep while watching the show).
So Why The Man-Crush?
This. And the fact that he’s one of those oh-he’s-so-bad-but-I-know-my-love-will-fix-him characters. Also, he looks hella angry all the time. Like no joke, every scene with him in it he looks pissed.
Dude’s taking a shower and he looks like he wants to murder me for being a little gay for him.
And with that, it is 3 am and I am a little ashamed by how much effort I put into this, so I leave you with this, a scene from Season 2 of Vampire Diaries where we all fall in love with Damon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDraVcMfGVo
Please note how happy and then sad he is at the beginning. AWWWWWWWWWWW.
(I couldn’t find a video I could embed—forgiveness please).
Last Straw
So Trader Joe’s asked me to start working Sundays, which is the last straw. It’s seriously time for a career change now.
Does anyone know how much they pay to be one of those naked people tables? The ones rich people eat sushi off of? Does it come with health benefits?
What’s Sexier?
Someone who oozes raw masculinity with the physique to back it up, or someone with a great sense of humor? Because I have neither.
Really?
I applied to a temp agency last night. They just called to cancel my interview. Ouch.
